I’d like to write a blog post telling you about how great I feel now that I have been on treatment for about two months. I’d like to tell you how happy I am and how I feel confident everyday. I’d like to tell you a lot of things.
But, the sad truth is that life is still pretty rough and it likely will be for a while.
Yes, I have had some good days interspersed amongst the bad, painful, horrendous days.
Those good days make me smile. When things are good, I have energy and I feel more like myself. It’s delightful!
But, the bad days still leave me hurting. They leave me questioning. They leave me suffering.
My prayer life has been changing since my health took a decline back in February. During some points of this health journey, I couldn’t pray. I didn’t feel like God was there. I could barely process a thought, let alone speak words in prayer.
Now, though, God has been meeting me. It’s amazing, actually. I always knew I could go to God during hard times and he would be there, but I had never been to a point of sheer desperation like this before. Now, I literally need God’s strength to get me through the day.
I’ve started doing something that’s helped me keep [better] perspective (because, let’s be real, I can still be irrational and feel completely hopeless pretty often!).
During times when I grow discouraged, I take inventory of the ways God has shown up and provided during desperate times. Here are some of the ways that while it’s been rough, God has been gracious to me:
I may have had to use vacation and sick days that I wanted to save for the future, but I have a wonderful boss who has been understanding. He has worked with me to find solutions so that I can get the treatment I need while still doing effective work.
Living paycheck to paycheck has become my norm (which I never thought I’d have to do!), but there’s been enough to take care of my needs. During times when I was coming up short, friends blessed me (sometimes, unknowingly) with produce from their garden or groceries. It was amazing to me how God has provided at the right times, even when I didn’t even ask.
I could probably go on and on as I start remembering ways that God has been gracious to me in this season, but I’ll leave it right here.
Through this period of my life, God has been teaching me some crucial lessons that I want to hold on to and never forget.
While I was texting with a friend yesterday, I shared this with her and I’d like to share it with you because I believe it’s something we all need to remember. I think it sums up the core of what I’m feeling as I recognize how God has been gracious.
I said, “I think we’re most content when we live our lives with an abundance mindset. We know that there’s enough and God will provide because He in Himself is enough, but sometimes our natural tendency is to be frustrated because we don’t have what we want. But we actually have what we need right now when we put our hope and trust in Christ.”
Praying that you, sweet reader, think about the ways God has been gracious to you despite the true suffering you have experienced.