Hello sweet girl:
I am so sorry you’re hurting! I’ve been in your place hundreds of times in my own battle with chronic illness. Even last night, I was there again.
The physical, mental, and emotional burdens that come with the territory of chronic illnesses can be paralyzing, leaving us uncertain of how to function “normally.” There’s grief that’s hard to explain to those who haven’t been in your shoes.
In all of the pain and hardship, it might seem like giving up is the answer.
The idea of letting go of your life, or of moving away and starting over, may sound appealing.
If you’re anything like me, you wish you could just run away from your problems instead of facing them head-on.
My natural tendency as a “go-getter” is to strive – to see a problem and tackle it. But, I’m to the point where I’ve grown weary. Following a treatment protocol and not seeing results can be discouraging. Living in a state of continual ups and downs is draining.
It’s Thanksgiving morning.
I’m sitting alone in my apartment.
I’m propped up in bed with a heating pad on my back and my Bible and journal sitting to my left. Multiple blankets cover the lower half of my body and my laptop sits atop them as I type.
I wasn’t planning to write on the blog today. I opened my journal to begin pouring out some thoughts, but after some prayer and scripture reading I felt like I needed to get this into a blog post. So, here I am. Raw and real.
Being Thanksgiving and all, I know that I should be reflecting on what I’m thankful for right now. So, I’m thinking through some things – a lot of things.
I truly am thankful for the way God has worked in my life. He has provided during some of my weakest times.
I know God is good. I really do. But, at the same time I often find my mind dwelling on all that’s wrong in my life right now. I’m grieving the loss of how I thought my life would look.
So, you may have noticed that I just launched an eBook! I couldn’t wait to finish it so that it could be shared with my blog readers and friends. When all hope seemed lost, writing helped me process what was going on with my body, mind, and spirit. I needed the external release of emotions to gather my thoughts and think through all that I was going through.
This journey of battling chronic Lyme Disease, co-infections, and several other health issues has left me feeling broken and discouraged. However, even though life has been rough, I have been made aware of where I am placing my hope.
It’s easy to hear someone say that when you need God He will always be there and think they’re over-exaggerating. You might see that person as trying to be holier than thou. You may even roll your eyes. Honestly, I used to feel that way.