I’d like to write a blog post telling you about how great I feel now that I have been on treatment for about two months. I’d like to tell you how happy I am and how I feel confident everyday. I’d like to tell you a lot of things.
But, the sad truth is that life is still pretty rough and it likely will be for a while.
Yes, I have had some good days interspersed amongst the bad, painful, horrendous days.
Those good days make me smile. When things are good, I have energy and I feel more like myself. It’s delightful!
But, the bad days still leave me hurting. They leave me questioning. They leave me suffering.
My prayer life has been changing since my health took a decline back in February. During some points of this health journey, I couldn’t pray. I didn’t feel like God was there. I could barely process a thought, let alone speak words in prayer.
Now, though, God has been meeting me. It’s amazing, actually. I always knew I could go to God during hard times and he would be there, but I had never been to a point of sheer desperation like this before. Now, I literally need God’s strength to get me through the day.
As I prayed over my life to further grip God’s will for the coming year, I was convicted by the reality that most new year’s resolutions don’t last. God showed me that following Him with my whole life should be my focus. Living life to the fullest in 2014 is not about doing all kinds of cool things that make me feel good about myself, but about trusting God’s work in each area of my life.
He laid on my heart that He loves me and that I am to love Him back. Thus, came the realization that this year isn’t going to be about a checklist.
There’s nothing wrong with to-do list resolutions. I actually find writing tasks and crossing them off to be quite therapeutic. However, that’s not what I’m meant to do this year. God’s asking me to trust him with the small things – something that comes from the overflow of His extravagant love.
As Christmas has come and gone, I’ve reflected on the true meaning of Christmas. It’s heartbreaking to know that families could celebrate each year and never stop to appreciate the wonderful, perfect gift God gave to His creation (Romans 6:23). The meaning of Christmas is much more than just a story of a birth in a manger. What God did through Jesus for all of humanity is beautiful. It’s a true depiction of love.
Leading up to Christmas, I had a whole lot of fun. From celebrating with one side of the family and then some friends to taking a quick road trip, I had a blast. When I got home from Christmas Eve service I was not feeling too great. That’s when I knew I was on the verge of getting sick. And, sick I sure got…
I was sick for days.
At first, I was frustrated and wanted to get better as quickly as possible. I was praying I’d be well enough to make the trek to Kansas City for IHOP’s annual Onething conference. That was the original plan, but God had something else in mind. Read more
I know God is good. I really do. But, sometimes I think I forget, maybe even for just a moment. Then something happens and I’m brought back to this place of awe. I am so in awe of God’s goodness. Wow!
A few minutes ago it hit me. Even though I believe God is always working in people’s lives, I’m blown away when I hear that someone I never expected to follow Him opens the Bible and puts their trust in His hands. As my fingers hit the keys of my laptop, my eyes are beginning to water. I can’t even coherently put into words the way I’m feeling. It’s as if I didn’t realize the eternal significance of each individual life, but now I understand. God’s given me a little piece of wisdom to see how he feels every time one more of his lost sheep comes to Him.
I am thankful.
I’m done. Completely finished. Never going to be this way again.
That thing I’m so desperately trying to put a stop to is busyness.
I am done being “busy.”
Never again in my life do I want to consider myself busy. That is radical, I am well aware. I realize that jaws may be dropping at this crazy proclamation. But, I think it’s exactly what I need in my life to help me be at peace.
The standard definition of busy is something along the lines of “having a lot to do.” Okay, fair enough. That definition works for me…but society’s coveted lifestyle of “being busy” sure doesn’t.